Emotions

I've been putting off writing my blog for a while, but I know if I put it off anymore I'll forget to do it before Sunday. I don't know why exactly I've been putting it off, but I think it's because I wasn't sure how I wanted to do exactly what I want to do...I'm still not sure how I'm going to do this, but here it goes...

Emotions are extremely hard to just sit down and analyze because the word "emotion" covers quite a broad spectrum of things. I've been feeling a lot of different emotions lately, so I'm going to attempt to analyze at least a little bit of what they mean to me.

Love is an extremely complex feeling, and is nearly impossible to define. I thought that I had felt true love before--love enough to die for someone--but I was mistaken. I honestly don't think I've felt that kind of love before towards a boy. I know now, that I have felt that kind of love before: for my best friends. I love them more than almost anything, and I love them enough to die for them. When you care about someone that deeply it's hard to truly call "high school love" love. Sometimes I watch movies and see love. I feel so envious of the characters when they fall in love, because it seems like they have something I don't. I know that if I'm patient I will, in due time, find someone that loves me like that--loves me enough to die for me--loves me enough to live for me. I know that I'll find someone like that and be able to spend the rest of eternity with them; forever, as one.

Joy. Another word that can't be described in words. I have felt joy before. I feel joy when I'm around my friends: people that love me and care about me for who I am. I feel joy when I feel close to my Father in Heaven. I feel joy every time I think of my life here on earth as a spring-board for the rest of eternity. I feel joy when I feel my Heavenly Father's love for me. Pure joy is like all the feeling of a warm summers day, wrapped up and put inside your heart. True joy can only be completely understood by those who have felt it.

Pain. Pain comes in many different forms. Perhaps the most difficult of these is emotional pain and grieving. Although periods of this pain can be long and difficult, it seems the pain I've experienced lately is pain because of others' pain. When I see those around me suffering in any way, shape, or form, I honestly feel pain. It breaks my heart when I see others struggling and I can't just fix it like I so desire. It breaks my heart when I see people going through trials that I could never begin to understand. I want to help them so bad, but I can't empathize with them. Sometimes sympathy isn't enough, but sometimes it's all I can offer.

If only overcoming Fear were as one-dimensional as facing a foe, or conquering a dragon. Fear is much more. Quite often the fear that faces me in my life is the fear of inadequacy. It is one of the devil's strongest temptations, and I've experienced it's fiery wrath. A High school environment is NOT conducive to overcoming this feeling. This fear hits you around every corner, with every new change of scenery as you tiptoe through the halls. Perhaps even stronger than this fear of inadequacy, is the fear of our great potential. Over and over again we are told of our limitless potential, but the devil steps right up to the mound, pitching us every fast ball he's got up his sleeve. Our true fears are not tangible, just as "fear" is difficult to define. Too often fear has kept me from believing in myself and reaching for my grand potential. I won't let that happen any longer, but the fear is still there...I've just conquered that dragon.

Crying isn't an emotion, but rather an outlet for emotions. When I cry, regardless of the reason or the emotions behind it, I feel like my soul is being released through my eyes without any need to explain myself. I have cried because of Love, I have cried because of Joy, I have cried because of pain, I have cried because of fear, and I have cried because of relief.

Relief can be the most liberating of all emotions. In my mind, relief is the release from conflicting emotions, no matter how brief the time. Relief doesn't prevent emotion, but rather allows them to enrich and enhance our lives. Relief= peace in my mind and soul, and that's the emotion that I most strive for.