The Importance of Self Worth

So, this isn't going to be a funny blog or anything like I usually try to do, but it's going to be about something I've actually analyzed to death: the importance of self worth.

I look back on my life, and my hind sight is 20/20. I have looked at different parts of my life where, at the time, I thought I was doing good. In looking back I see how NOT good I was. Up until last year one of my biggest shortcomings was letting what other people thought of me determine what I thought of myself. It got really bad. It got to the point that if a certain someone didn't say hi to me, or gave me the cold shoulder or something, I immediately started having a bad day, and sometimes I even doubted myself in the things that I thought I was the most sure of.

There was a certain boy that I had liked since about the end of eighth grade. He didn't really like, me and we were barely even friends...more acquaintances. He had girlfriend after girlfriend, and with each one I felt worse and worse about myself. I just knew that he was the one for me. In this time, I refused to let myself like any other boy, even if they liked me.

Then, in the middle of my Sophomore year, he and I got to be pretty good friends, and he didn't have a girlfriend, and he started liking me. I didn't even want to believe it because I had waited for so long that I knew that if I started to believe he liked me it wouldn't be true. Well, soon I couldn't deny that he liked me. Especially when all his friends and people in his classes started asking about us, and saying things like, "of course I can tell you like each other! I've heard him talk about you, and you should see the way you look at each other!" Even one of his ex girlfriends that he is good friends with was 110% convinced that he liked me, and she persuaded me and persuaded me to accept it and have fun with it.
Well, finally I got to thinking, "maybe I am worth it, and maybe, just maybe, he does like me." We had a fun few weeks together, and I thought I was in heaven. Well, this all crumbled to pieces around me. His old girlfriend came back and wanted him back as a make out buddy. We had liked each other for real reasons, not the same as she liked him for, but his teenage hormones took over and he went back to her. He started ignoring me, and eventually, to "break things off" he wrote me a note and had another girl give it to me. How kindergarten. He couldn't even face me, and his note was basically denying everything, and saying that I had gotten the wrong impression etc. Yeah, wrong impression my eye.....along with everybody else we knew!

For the longest time I was devestated. My heart was broken and I kept thinking "what's wrong with me? Did I do something wrong." Well, I had feelings like that for a long time, and even though I thought I put on a good show, my self esteem and self worth was almost nonexistant.

I have a few really good guy friends, and all this time I wasn't really paying much attention to them because I thought I wasn't worth their attention. Well, I finally got out of my shell a little bit, and in talking to these guys, my self esteem totally was built back, brick by brick. It took 30 seconds to dash it to pieces, and months to build it back. One of my friends asked me on a date for my 16th birthday. Now that may have seemed like a really trivial thing, but it totally boosted my self esteem more than he could ever know, and we're still really good friends. Another one of these guys has turned out to be probably one of my absolute best friends, and we have both helped each other through quite a bit. These guys like me for me, and for me alone. They don't expect me to be something other than what I am. It has been through friends like these that I have rebuilt my self worth and self esteem.

Since then, my self worth has increased almost exponentially, to much higher than it ever was before. It's one of my most prized possessions, and I would never ever let it go again. Not for any boy, or anybody else. "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." I have truely become much stronger inspite of all this, or maybe even because of all this.